Dear SBMOG,
You know how I like to avoid cliches like the plague (see what I did there?), but I just have to tell you something that has surprised me in our marriage. And not just our marriage, but in our working together.
I remember going to a bridal shower for someone else when we first got married and everyone was giving their little pieces of marriage advice and someone said “Remember that you’re a team” or something like that and I gagged. I mean I was such a hospitable guest because I was like “Ew. How trite.”
At the time, you were just starting the dream of working for yourself, owning your own business. It was awesome to watch how excited you were every day, learning so much.
And we talked about the life we wanted and the lifestyle and I’ll be honest – most of it seemed great. Except the teensy weensy detail of being together all day every day. It’s not because I’m not madly in love with you, but we work differently. So differently. And I was worried about how that would rub in our marriage.
When I quit my job, I wanted to support you, and so I started working with you. And I was right – the rub was there. Every comment was personal, about more than just my work on a project, but about me as a person and as a wife.
It came down to where it became obvious that it wasn’t helping our marriage to be working with you on business stuff. So we planned to stop. Get over one more hurdle. Then I would not work with you any more.
The reality was though that you needed help and I so desperately wanted to be a builder-upper and not a tearer-downer that I wanted to try again.
And I’m not perfect. I never will be. Neither are you. But here’s what I know.
Team work makes the dream work.
There is no one as invested in seeing you succeed as I am. That means when we give up date nights or sleep or let’s face it, the picture in my head of how our Saturdays should look, it’s not about me. It’s about our family.
This hasn’t been an easy road for us to walk. There’s been a lot of shifts by both of us in how we approach work time. From two work-aholics sitting in separate rooms, working till all hours of the night to the parents of three small kiddos too tired to make it past 10, we’ve had to grow and change.
We’ve had to sacrifice what is best for our work as individuals for what’s best for our work in the business and in our family. We ebb and flow responsibilities when one of us needs more time, less time, more structure, a slower pace, needs to get caught.
And here’s what I know.
There isn’t a minute of this beautiful, messy, sleep-deprived life I would trade. I love you. I love how you’ve grown. I love how I’ve grown. I love how much grace we see heaped on us as messy and sinful people in this marriage.
And, now I know, that as much of a cliche that it is…team work really does make the dream work.
We couldn’t have the life we do if we weren’t in it together. On the same side. Working to make the best for each other.
I don’t know what our next 74 years together (Lord willing) are going to hold, but I know I’m going to love learning more about making the dream work.
P.S.
Dear Reader,
Nothing about this post happened over night. There was not a magic formula, no easy button, nothing that took us from one hard day to one easy day in the blink of an eye.
The biggest tool in my tool box, really, in both of our tool boxes, it to choose to be thankful for what we’re doing. Instead of resenting the hours, I’m thankful he’s here in the middle of the day to wrestle with the kids. Instead of being bitter about my work time being taken away, I can see an opportunity to love him a little extra that day through my willingness to sacrifice.
It’s not easy. And it takes practice.
If you want to practice a different perspective in your marriage, I invite you to check out the 5 to Thrive Marriage challenge. It’s a simple, 5 day, email challenge that will help you have a new perspective in your marriage.
-Leah
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