“It’s 85 degrees in the house,” she said.
“Can you look at the weather and see when it will cool down?” he replied.
She pulled up her laptop. She didn’t sigh in exasperation as she used to. She pulled up the weather and told him it would cool down by 11.
“Ok then,” he said. “We’ll tough it out till then. I know you’re hot but it’ll cool down soon enough that we don’t need to turn the air on.”
“Alright. I can deal with that,” she answered, getting another glass of ice water from the kitchen.
Dare 26 is one of my FAY. VOR. ITE. topics. Submission. The big “S” word. The elephant in the room.
In Dare 26, the woman sends her son to camp when she submits to his idea. He heard her out and still made a different decision, which she honored.
In our story here, the woman finds a different way to cope with the heat than turning on the air. She probably would have preferred the air, but she honored her husband’s decision.
Neither of these women are doormats because they didn’t get their way. They chose to submit.
And submit is the word of the day.
Submission has become this uber taboo word in our culture. Submission is a bad bad thing. Women shouldn’t have to submit or be under anyone’s authority or control.
But I really don’t submission as a bad thing.
I see submission differently.
Let’s try this analogy:
I’m a blogger (I know this analogy is a big stretch so far). And I would really kind of like it if more people read my stuff. Not because it’s like MIND BLOWING but because this is why I do this thing that I love doing while my kids nap. So to talk to more people I go to other blogs and I see that another blogger does this thing where other writers can send in their stuff and she’ll post it if she likes it. It has to be original content and a whole host of other things.
So when I think about what it would be like to send my thoughts to these people I don’t know, writing from my heart/soul/gut/truth to people only seeing my life through a computer-screen lens, it’s intimidating. It’s emotional. I am giving up my control over the process. I am stepping out to see how something can grow, even thrive. It’s building relationship. It’s exposing myself. It makes me vulnerable. I become vulnerable.
At the bottom of the page on this other blog it says “Submit Post Now”. It’s submission.
This analogy is submission. It’s giving up control that really isn’t mine to begin with to grow this one-fleshness relationship with my husband. It’s making me vulnerable to do stuff I may not want to do. I’m exposed. And it’s doing it anyways.
Because the Bible says so in 1 Peter 3. Because that’s our unique role as women – to have power/ability that we use wisely and not to control those around us. Because it’s important to our marriages to have the one-fleshness.
All of those things, yes.
But for me, it’s also that for my husband to truly feel respect from me, I can’t hold back on the stuff I just don’t want to do, don’t want to give up control on, big stuff, little stuff, whatever stuff.
I have to be willing to be vulnerable. To give up control. To follow him even if he may mess up. And yes he’ll mess up. He’s a sinner too. But we all need practice and time to grow. So every not-so-great choice hopefully gives him a chance to learn and get better.
Some people ask me how to submit in little stuff because it seems trivial.
Some people ask me how to submit in the big stuff because it seems so necessary to maintain control.
Submission is hard work. [**edited from original post** It may look like this awesome description from the comments: I know you hate the expression “let him lead” but willingly putting yourself under your husband’s headship, i.e. submitting could also be described as “letting him lead.” If he’s leading and you aren’t following, he can’t do his job. To let someone do it is to acknowledge that they are in control because that’s how it was designed to be. Because it’s their jurisdiction. And yeah, by “letting” it seems like you still have an element of control, I guess. But you do ultimately have the decision element to follow that lead, let him lead or submit every day, every situation anyways. It’s like letting God be in control of your life. He obviously always is already anyways. But by you acknowledging that He is you are changing your heart and your mindset to follow that lead. So I really think those phrases are pretty synonymous.]
Submission is being vulnerable.
But vulnerability creates beautiful intimacy not only with our husbands, the Creator who love to see marriages thrive.