I’m going to venture a guess that if you haven’t heard of Dave Ramsey, Financial Peace University, or the Total Money Makeover, that perhaps you live under a rock. Or perhaps you’re awesome with money and already follow all of his rules without having to read his stuff.
Regardless, everyone who follows his rules loves him. Maybe not at first, but when they call into the radio show to do their Debt Free Scream, they’ve definitely come around.
But Dave Ramsey’s nearly ruined my marriage. From the moment my husband said “I’d really like you to read this book…” as he slipped me a copy of the Total Money Makeover, we were unknowingly in a battle that lasted for over two years.
Here’s how Dave Ramsey’s advice nearly ruined my marriage:
1. He wrote a book that was an easy read and it made even me, for whom numbers, math, and financial planning makes almost zero cents (see what I did there?) understand and get excited about becoming debt free.
This wasn’t the first time my husband had handed me a book and asked me to read it. And truth be told, each time he had handed me a book in the past, I had the best of intentions to read it – at some point. When I wasn’t busy or tired or when I became (poof!) interested in the topic. But I saw how important this was to him, and I knew that if I wanted to put my money where my mouth was when it came to being my husband’s friend and being interested in what he was interested in, then I needed to read the book.
2. We drank the proverbial Kool-Aid and jumped into the first baby step.
Our initial budget projections showed us paying off our mountain of student loan debt in the Fall of 2016. It was January 2012. It was going to take us 4.5 years to get through student loans while my husband worked full-time and I stayed home with our children. It was no small undertaking to walk into a 4 year plan. (Did it take us 4 years? Be sure to read all the way to bottom of the post!)
3. We created a budget.
Before we got engaged, I was offered my first teaching job. While we were heading back from the interview, we used a scrap piece of paper in my truck to guess what things would cost and if I could afford the nicer apartment and the life I wanted to have. But this time, we wrote out a pen and paper budget for each line item for each month.
4. We had weekly discussions about our budget.
*shutter* I hate talking about money. It just makes me so uncomfortable. So to go through all the purchases and account for every dollar made me anxious. But we did it. We celebrated wins. Our emergency fund. Check. Our first loan paid off. Check. Ahead of schedule on the pay off. Check.
5. I started using cash at the grocery store.
I worked at a bank all through college and would leave at the end of the day with almost black hands from all the dirt on money. And I am slightly a germophobe so using cash at the grocery store was not my idea of a good time. But I did it and I realized it helped me see the money I was spending and I really did spend less.
6. We started saying things like “we probably shouldn’t spend money on that right now.”
We were never crazy spenders. But if we wanted to do something, we’d consider what it cost, try to think of a more affordable way to do it, then do it. We didn’t say “no” or “not now” until we started working to pay off debt.
7. We became a commercial for the Total Money Makeover, discussing the envelope system at length at dinner parties and loaning the book to anyone who didn’t immediately walk away from me in the teacher’s lounge when I started talking about becoming debt-free.
We basically became huge nerds. Really over-eager, calculator-wielding, nerds.
8. We went down to one car.
We intentionally moved into the cheapest place we could find within walking distance of my husband’s job and sold our nicer car.
9. We lived with my parents for 18 months.
This one was kind of an accident. My parent’s house was meant to be a 3 months max situation while we sorted out jobs and specific locations for housing. And then it was 18 months. While it was not a free ride from rent or groceries, this 18 months was hugely helpful in getting us out of debt faster.
10. We cashed out my retirement that wasn’t fully vested.
Just when you think there’s no where else to find a dime, when you can’t work more hours, and you can’t sell anything else, sometimes stepping way back and taking a wider look helps. My retirement wasn’t going to be able to do anything for us the way it was so we decided to cash it out and put another huge chunk toward student loan debt.
11. We scrimped, saved, budgeted, borrowed, did without, bought second hand.
My son’s entire wardrobe for the first two years of his life cost me $18. And I don’t have small-statured children. I have children that are wearing 2T’s by their first birthdays. We repeatedly looked at line items. We kept making adjustments to the budget, even if they were small.
12. My husband worked practically two full time jobs.
This was actually the hardest part of the whole thing. When we got to the point where the end was in sight, it just made more and more sense to take extra work for our business to get us closer to our goal. So my husband worked approximately 70-75 hours a week between his corporate job and his business. We didn’t see him a lot and he was tired to his bones. And, we had a colicky baby. And a toddler. And I was sleep-deprived in a way that made me numb. Oh, and my love languages are physical touch and quality time. We were running on fumes in more ways than one.
And while we agree that this was the hardest season of our marriage, our life together, and our parenting to date, we also continually draw from things we learned in that season. Self care. Investing in our marriage. Not letting the circumstance impact how we parent. Asking for help. So many beautiful things came out of that season.
So while most of this list was fairly tongue-in-cheek, the reality is that paying off debt IS really hard. But it didn’t ruin my marriage. Dave Ramsey didn’t ruin my marriage with his 7 baby steps to financial freedom.
On the contrary, even though it was really hard and we had additional challenges besides financial in the two years we pushed hard to get out of debt, we were able to pay off our debt a full TWO YEARS ahead of schedule. June 2014, we paid our last student loan. Since then we have paid cash for a second car and have continued to chase after our very unique dreams for our life, marriage, family, and ministry.
If anything, Dave Ramsey helped to destroy my marriage bubble – the sweet, simple, and sometimes indulgent honeymoon phase that I thought would last until the day we died. Working that hard at a common goal, having hard talks, going over every dollar in and out – none of that is a rosy experience.
It has been steel-wool style sanctification where I see more and more of my junk getting shluffed off and more of what God has for me to do in His kingdom work.
Hard seasons are not the end of the world. They are a place to continually draw closer to Jesus and to learn from.
So now, I can say with a smile on my face : Thanks, Dave Ramsey for ruining my marriage.
Have you ever done something in your marriage, like paid off debt, gone back to school, traveled extensively that completely destroyed your marriage bubble? What did you learn during that time?
Yep! Here’s to the last student loan payment this fall, the envelopes that are always a tiny bone of contention (that we both secretly know is the best thing ever), and less means more in my house, in my yard, but so much more room for God in my heart. Great post!
Heidi – and less to clean up! At least at my house. I vacuumed today (no small feat) without having to spend an hour first tidying up. Yesssssss. -Leah
P.S. The envelopes… I still don’t like them. HA
This is so great and I relate 100%! FPU really guided us and we have leaves such frugal lives these past seven years in pursuit of long term goals. I didn’t spend more than $18 on my children’s clothes for years, just like you said. We just made do with whatever handmedowns we had and requested needed items from grandparents at birthdays. Love it!
Katie – Us too! I also make socks, underwear, and toothbrushes our stocking stuffers. -Leah
We find Dave Ramsey really frustrating. Sure, if you make enough money to readily cover everything and are just a poor manager of it, following his rules will make a difference. Just like eating well and exercising will help you be healthier if you’re a couch potato living off of fast food.
But his numbers literally *don’t work* in every situation. The examples in his book are of people who paid off debts in a year of *more than we bring in* in a year. If we were making that kind of money, we wouldn’t need help; we’d have it covered. He seems to have no concept of people who really do make very little compared to expenses, or of how expenses vary from one part of the country to another. We pay on a mortgage, not because we’re greedy, but because we would literally being at *least* $200-300 more per month on rent (because rent is that expensive in our area), and be flushing that money down the toilet. Instead, we pay hundreds less, for more house and more yard, and building equity.
Utilities here are higher than his estimates, and there’s really not much we can do about that. Food costs almost twice as much as his recommended percentage, for our family of 6, and we really can’t do any better (without starving). These are all pretty non-negotiable things, and when they’re vastly higher percentages than recommended, it wreaks havoc on the rest of the budget. All the smart economic decisions in the world won’t change that.
So, yeah…the principles are good, and if you need them and make decent money, it can be beneficial. But if your finances really are *tight*, don’t expect it to be helpful, or even doable.
Rachel, I thought the same thing about the stories in the book. They felt out of reach to what was our reality is and was. We still found it to work in our situation. Maybe not as fast but the progress and that kind of stuff. I know it’s not a perfect fit for everyone. I’m sorry you’re frustrated by it. Thanks for commenting and sharing your story. -Leah
Prosperity gospel is not the way. You learn this by reading and doing Bible studies. Seeking wisdom. People like Matt Chandler and John piper will give you a true message.
Someone said something about judging…… We’re not supposed to judge non-Christians. But we are to straighten up and tell Christians if they’re not in line.
David and Nicole are not in line !
Prosperity gospel is a false gospel.
Do not put your faith in faith church but put your faith in Jesus.
Money and prosperity is good it’s what you do with it. With millions of dollars don’t you think they could do reverse tithing ?
“A penny will hide the biggest star in the Universe if you hold it close enough to your eye.” –Samuel Grafton
Greg Crayne; to answer your question
There are very many reasons.
. Kind a like praying for a lottery, if it was that simple everybody would win the lottery. The only good is Jesus. The only good in us is Jesus. Will we focus on selfishness. Demand God because he needs to answer our prayers ?
Your will be done…. not Gods ? The prosperity gospel teaches James 4:2
But they forget the followed up with James 4:3
When they tell the story of Jesus they need to tell all of the story.
Have you did the Bible study called; The story ?
This is his story not ours.
Philippians 4:6 is true we are supposed to pray.
According to prosperity theology, faith is not a God-granted, God-centered act of the will. Rather, it is a humanly wrought spiritual force, directed at God. Indeed, any theology that views faith chiefly as a means to material gain rather than justification before God must be judged inadequate at best.
As Gloria Copeland put it in her 2012 book, God’s Will is Prosperity, “Give $10 and receive $1,000; give $1,000 and receive $100,000. . . . In short, Mark 10:30 is a very good deal.” It’s evident, then, that the prosperity gospel’s doctrine of giving is built on faulty motives. Whereas Jesus taught his disciples to “give, hoping for nothing in return” (Luke 10:35), prosperity theologians teach their disciples to give because they will get a great return.
We are supposed to be a mirror image of Jesus. Jesus was not rich.He gave up all .
First, many who espouse prosperity theology have a fundamental misconception of the life of Jesus. For example, teacher John Avanzini proclaimed on a TBN program, Jesus had “a nice house,” “a big house,” “Jesus was handling big money,” and he even “wore designer clothes.” It’s easy to see how such a warped view of the life of Christ could lead to an equally warped misconception of the death of Christ.
A second error that leads to a faulty view of the atonement is misinterpreting 2 Corinthians 8:9, which reads, “For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though he was rich, yet for your sakes he became poor, that you through his poverty might become rich.” While a shallow reading of this verse may lead one to believe Paul was teaching about an increase in material wealth, a contextual reading reveals he was actually teaching the exact opposite principle. Indeed, Paul was teaching the Corinthians that since Christ accomplished so much for them through the atonement, they should empty themselves of their riches in service of the Savior. This is why just five short verses later Paul would urge the Corinthians to give their wealth away to their needy brothers, writing “that now at this time your abundance may supply their lack” (2 Cor. 8:14).
I can go on with more if you would like.
I like teaching The real words of Jesus , not false teaching.
Rich, thanks for taking time to leave me a comment. I completely agree – the prosperity gospel is wrong. I think it is important to learn good ways to manage your money and to become debt free so that you can do whatever it is God is calling/compelling you to do. The principles of paying off debt that feels monumental are good ones. -Leah
You didn’t follow Dave Ramsey though so you almost ruining your marriage was your own fault. He’d never tell you to cash out a retirement fund early because the tax rate on it is stupid, he regularly tells people to stop trying to do that, his only advocacy is to just pause investing in retirement during BS2. He also doesn’t tell you to live at home unless you have to. Dave Ramsey’s advice is strictly stop spending money on crap you can’t afford and get out of debt so you can enjoy life instead of credit card payments. This whole article is just one giant example of how to not do Dave Ramsey but blame him for your stupidity.
Hey thanks for the comment. This was meant to be tongue in cheek – his advice did not almost ruin our marriage and you’re right, we did some things against his exact plan. Thanks for pointing that out.
Well done Leah! I clicked on your pin to see how someone could possibly blame Dave Ramsey for ruining her marriage. I too love his kind, caring way of bursting our “bubbles”. Again, well written and well done.