I love being able to talk with a friend and getting to dig in deep about what’s really got us thinking.
If you’re anything like me, most of my conversations with girlfriends are interrupted by kids. My kids. Her kids. My kids pushing her kids. Her kids taking a toy from my kids. You get the picture. So while we may be together for a few hours, we mostly have fragments of several conversations instead of one from start to finish.
I know I’m not the only one.
So it was an awesome treat to get to spend 6 uninterrupted hours in the car with a friend on the way to an event.
And dig down deep we did.
As we drove to Atlanta, my friend laid out something really heavy:
Why don’t we hear about what’s ok in our marriages sexually from the pulpit? Like, why isn’t there ever sermons on that?
And you know, I’ve thought the very same thing. As I watch couples around me struggling and grappling in their marriages and young adults on the cusps of getting married and having families, I think “Why aren’t we playing more offense on this issue? Why do we always wait and play defense instead?”
The defense we’re playing when it comes to love, sex, and intimacy is costing us. Yes, we need to play defense too but if people could better understand up front what’s at stake and how God designed out sexuality to fit into our understanding of Him and the oneness it creates, my guess is we’d be able to play a different kind of defense.
I think we’re afraid that if we talk about sex too much it’ll make those who “aren’t supposed to be doing it” more curious and they’ll want to try it. Or ask questions. Or any number of things that make people feel uncomfortable.
Well, news flash. They are curious. And they do want to know more.
But they aren’t the only ones.
Women so often hear to “not do it, not do it, not do it” so much that we have a hard time flipping the switch when we get married. The idea of sex being dirty or wrong follows us.
And it impacts how we think, how we feel, how we interact with and about sex.
With the church playing defense, we also don’t feel like we can ask the burning questions that we have. Whether it’s because we don’t know who to ask or because we feel too ashamed to ask, we’re left trying to navigate something really big on our own in a lot of ways.
When my friend and I had our conversation, I was reminded of the work being done by Authentic Intimacy as they work to help women reclaim God’s design for intimacy. From their class Passion Pursuit to books like Pulling Back the Shades, the heart of these women is clear : to pursue God’s design for intimacy. (Remember when I was on the launch team for PBTS and wrote this post and this post and this post?)
At that time, I knew that Authentic Intimacy was just about to release their latest book 25 Questions You’re Afraid to Ask about Love, Sex, and Intimacy. Little did I know that I would have a chance to read and review the book right here on the blog!
25 Questions is a compilation of the most popular questions that Dr. Slattery and the AI team receive at their live events as well as via email.
Each question is answered with Biblical truth, wisdom, experience, and encouragement for women to seek and know what God would have for them.
Having attended an Authentic Intimacy event and loving PBTS, I was really pleased with the questions that were included in the book and their answers.
[Actually one of the questions I texted in at their live event was included in the book. And since at the event the someone else asked the same question, I know I’m not the only one asking it so I was so glad to see an answer!]
This is not just a book for married women on how what’s ok in the bedroom (although that is covered). This is not just a book for single women on what’s ok and not ok before they are married (although that’s covered too).
This is absolutely a book for all women on how God designed each one of us for intimacy and how He has a plan for that, married and single alike.
25 Questions is a easy, yet compelling read. It’s not something you have to pick up and read cover to cover (although I did) but could easily be used as a reference for questions that you have.
It’s also a great tool to have in your tool box so that when the digging in deep means talking about sex and intimacy with our girlfriends, we can point to God’s truths instead of something else.
And because I think this book is so important and so approachable, I’m partnering with Moody Publishers to offer a giveaway to one of my readers. YAY! Just enter below.
Can’t wait to see who wins!!
Jen McKinney says
So excited for this book! I love sex! And any help in that area is an exciting bonus!! Plus I deal with a lot of women that are all over the place in their views and thoughts on sex. This would be a great resource so guide them through and to to answer those questions we all have!!
Mandy says
I think this is a huge issue in our culture, and especially with in the church. There are so many misconceptions and ideas about sex and intimacy, and it breaks my heart to hear other wives talk about sex in a negative way. I have a desire to help wives, and those who are not yet wives, to have a better understanding of God’s plan for us as women in this area. I look forward to reading this so I can have a Bible-based resource when talking with other women about this! Thanks for sharing your review with us!
Alana@ I have a Future and a Hope says
What a great resource for marriages. Sometimes bringing certain subjects up in marriage can be seen as someone not being satisfied with the sexual relationship, which could totally not be the case. This book would help open discussions that marriages need to have,
Caroline @ In Due Time says
What a great resource! I would love to win!
J says
What a great book! And my friends and I have had so many conversations about why isn’t the church doing more in this area? I think, in part, we just don’t really know WHAT to do or how to begin. But I’m encouraged by all of the great blogs and books that are popping up here and there.
Heart of a Philanthropist Blogger Kim says
My son is 12. I want to give him an accurate and biblical perspective of sex in marriage. Hoping this will help our discussions.
Kimber says
If I may make a couple suggestions to add to your list? Check out “Sex and the New You” an age-appropriate discussion piece for boys (12-14) and also “Preparing Your Son for Every Young Man’s Battle.” We did a sexuality series at church and these are just a couple of the resources we shared with people to encourage Biblical view based conversations with their children about sexuality.
Tess says
This is such a needed discussion topic! I know for myself, it is easy to fall into pits of negative thinking when it comes to sex. I easily become selfish and I know that when I do, I fall into a snare of the devil. Sexual intimacy was created by God as a precious aspect to marriage. I would love to win this recourse!
Kendra says
I’d love to dig deeper on this subject!
Kristin says
I’ve always thought this should be a book…look forward to reading it!
Kelly says
I think it is so important to have these conversations and your blog post was SO on point! Thank you!
rachdean1 says
I’m always trying to build my marriage and I think this book would help.
Jessie Cox says
I would like to have more answers for when this subject is brought up and a direction to point women in. A path leading to answers to the questions and to Jesus.
Jenny Lewis says
Excited for this book as a mom trying to give my children a Biblical perspective and also change my thinking about it too!