I love being able to talk with a friend and getting to dig in deep about what’s really got us thinking.
If you’re anything like me, most of my conversations with girlfriends are interrupted by kids. My kids. Her kids. My kids pushing her kids. Her kids taking a toy from my kids. You get the picture. So while we may be together for a few hours, we mostly have fragments of several conversations instead of one from start to finish.
I know I’m not the only one.
So it was an awesome treat to get to spend 6 uninterrupted hours in the car with a friend on the way to an event.
And dig down deep we did.
As we drove to Atlanta, my friend laid out something really heavy:
Why don’t we hear about what’s ok in our marriages sexually from the pulpit? Like, why isn’t there ever sermons on that?
And you know, I’ve thought the very same thing. As I watch couples around me struggling and grappling in their marriages and young adults on the cusps of getting married and having families, I think “Why aren’t we playing more offense on this issue? Why do we always wait and play defense instead?”
The defense we’re playing when it comes to love, sex, and intimacy is costing us. Yes, we need to play defense too but if people could better understand up front what’s at stake and how God designed out sexuality to fit into our understanding of Him and the oneness it creates, my guess is we’d be able to play a different kind of defense.
I think we’re afraid that if we talk about sex too much it’ll make those who “aren’t supposed to be doing it” more curious and they’ll want to try it. Or ask questions. Or any number of things that make people feel uncomfortable.
Well, news flash. They are curious. And they do want to know more.
But they aren’t the only ones.
Women so often hear to “not do it, not do it, not do it” so much that we have a hard time flipping the switch when we get married. The idea of sex being dirty or wrong follows us.
And it impacts how we think, how we feel, how we interact with and about sex.
With the church playing defense, we also don’t feel like we can ask the burning questions that we have. Whether it’s because we don’t know who to ask or because we feel too ashamed to ask, we’re left trying to navigate something really big on our own in a lot of ways.
When my friend and I had our conversation, I was reminded of the work being done by Authentic Intimacy as they work to help women reclaim God’s design for intimacy. From their class Passion Pursuit to books like Pulling Back the Shades, the heart of these women is clear : to pursue God’s design for intimacy. (Remember when I was on the launch team for PBTS and wrote this post and this post and this post?)
At that time, I knew that Authentic Intimacy was just about to release their latest book 25 Questions You’re Afraid to Ask about Love, Sex, and Intimacy. Little did I know that I would have a chance to read and review the book right here on the blog!
Each question is answered with Biblical truth, wisdom, experience, and encouragement for women to seek and know what God would have for them.
[Actually one of the questions I texted in at their live event was included in the book. And since at the event the someone else asked the same question, I know I’m not the only one asking it so I was so glad to see an answer!]
This is not just a book for married women on how what’s ok in the bedroom (although that is covered). This is not just a book for single women on what’s ok and not ok before they are married (although that’s covered too).
This is absolutely a book for all women on how God designed each one of us for intimacy and how He has a plan for that, married and single alike.
25 Questions is a easy, yet compelling read. It’s not something you have to pick up and read cover to cover (although I did) but could easily be used as a reference for questions that you have.
It’s also a great tool to have in your tool box so that when the digging in deep means talking about sex and intimacy with our girlfriends, we can point to God’s truths instead of something else.
And because I think this book is so important and so approachable, I’m partnering with Moody Publishers to offer a giveaway to one of my readers. YAY! Just enter below.
Can’t wait to see who wins!!