You know how after Thanksgiving, you eat leftovers for a few days, and it’s nice? When it’s gets to be a week, it’s more difficult; not as moist or fresh? When you unwrap leftovers out of the freezer for a month, every day is work as you choke it down? It’s almost hard to swallow. You think if you could eat something else, just for a while, it would be SO great.
(I’m picturing Pam and Roy eating their leftovers after their called-off wedding. Anyone?)
I’ve been eating pie for about a year. At first, it wasn’t so bad. It wasn’t my favorite kind of pie, but like any kind of pie, it has its season, its necessity. After the first few pieces, I was ready to be done. But I keep on eating. For the last year, I’ve been enjoying Humble Pie.
At first, it wasn’t so bad. My few slices of pie came with a lesson I needed to learn. A surprise appendectomy left me helpless to do much with my (then) 1 year old. I learned to be less stubborn and take help that was offered.
My next hunk of humble pie came with a pregnancy very shortly thereafter. Between trips to the hospital and morning sickness, this pie was hard to swallow. I learned that I don’t have to be supermom. I just need to do the best I can on any given day.
But the pie wasn’t finished yet. No, I had a lot more pie to swallow. 6 weeks of restriction for bleeding was a rough piece to get through. Not only did I have to take help when it was offered, I had to ask for and seek out help.
After months and months of Humble Pie, I was ready for something new to chew on. I had some time to reflect and chew on some other flavors before entering a new chapter, where I thought it would taste a lot more like cold mac-n-cheese. Instead, I was met with more Humble Pie.
When our little guy finally came into the world, we noticed right away that his demeanor wasn’t quite as chill as our older child’s.
This has meant nights with little to no sleep. This has meant the fastest showers of my life. This has meant prioritizing conversations with my husband – most of which are done via gmail chat. This has meant getting creative with cooking and housework. And this has meant learning how to be the best mom I can be when the situation isn’t how I envisioned it.
I tell you ALL of this to tell you what I have learned and am learning about myself. I have learned that I can be judgmental, especially of other moms. I have learned that it’s ok to let my baby cry if I know he’s safe, so that I can spend time with my husband or my daughter. I have learned (and this might be the hardest lesson for me) that asking for help if I truly need it, is ok. And asking for helping when I need a break, is ok too. And it’s more than ok, it can be really GOOD. And someone offering to help me is not commentary on me doing a bad good; it’s a gesture of support.
And most importantly, I have learned that humility is something I need more of. When I was looking up some stuff on humility this morning, I noticed that a synonym of humility is “teachable”. Because I have been eating a lot of Humble Pie, I have become more TEACHABLE.
There is a passage in Proverbs 2 about an adulterous woman (16-17), or it could be interpreted as anything or anyone that can seduce or is seductive.
Wisdom will save you also from the adulterous woman,
from the wayward woman with her seductive words,
who has left the partner of her youth
and ignored the covenant she made before God.
The footnote in my Bible, to me, is so wonderful and clear.
…Two of the most difficult sins to resist are pride and sexual immorality. Both are seductive. Pride says, “I deserve it”; sexual desire says “I need it.” In combination their appeal is deadly. … Pride appeals to the empty head; sexual enticement appeals to the empty heart. By looking to God, we can fill our heads with his wisdom and our hearts with his love.
God is using these humbling events to fill my head with more knowledge of him. During these humbling times, I see opportunities to not only be more humble before my God and others, but also to extend grace to those around me as they have need.
I still have a lot more to learn about humility before this life is through. God is using the humbling process to bring me to my knees over and over again. It’s not because I like the pie, but it’s because God can see that I (and all of us) need to eat it and come before Him.
I get it. This wasn’t about marriage per se, or was it? In what ways does this apply to marriage? Dare you to really think about how humility plays a part in our marriages. I’m hoping to do a follow up on Thursday (Lord willing) on humility in marriage.
Would you be brave and share ways in which you’ve tasted Humble Pie?
I have been humbled over the years that not everyone wants to hear what I have to say! No one often cares what I have to say or even want to hear my opinion on a matter. I have had to learn the hard way on when to say something and when to just shut up! It has been a humbling experience to say the least and I hadn’t really thought about it until you challenged me to be brave and share my ways. I have learned that not everything requires a response from me in a conversation and that I don’t always have to put my two cents in. However, I still have the urge but there is this small voice saying to me, “Is this going to offer assistance to this conversation or is it just a piece to inflate your ego? Or to feel a part of the group?” All these questions now pop in my head and keep me from saying anything. I now nod my head and go along with the conversation. Sometimes it actually feels good not to say something in a conversation, but to just actually sit back and listen! I get on to my son for not listening and it is I who have the same issue!
Ashley, I understand this lesson too. Thanks for sharing! Leah
I have always considered myself a quick learner– with my head, but not so much with my heart. I find myself speaking quickly, adding my two cents, not totally listening from my heart and digesting what other people are saying… From childhood, I have tended to take an intellectual approach to things– but strong relationships require big hearts, not big heads. My marriage has put my weaknesses on display in a huge way… My husband loves me dearly but he isn’t nearly as impressed or delighted with me as I expected and hoped he would be. The fact that he can get irritated with me– even slightly, and rightfully so at times– has been hard for me to accept, but my heart is learning to quiet down, lean on Jesus, and rest in the constant love, approval, and security that God has for me instead of the imperfect love, patience, and approval of man. There’s nothing to prove, no one I have to impress… Being real takes humility, and I want a real marriage with real intimacy. Most of all, I desire a real relationship with God, so I’ll gladly trade my rags of self-righteousness for God’s covering and clothe myself with humility instead of foolish pride. I have a long way to go, but at least I’m on the Way. 🙂
Really great post and comments. I appreciate your honesty.
Olivia, I love your comment ” My husband loves me dearly but he isn’t nearly as impressed or delighted with me as I expected and hoped he would be”. Wow. That is a great testimony to humility being important in marriage. Maybe I’ll quote you Thursday. Leah
Ah pride, my arch nemesis. It has taken me almost my whole life to realize that pride is everything to me. I have finally become aware of how my actions around others are most always out of selfish pride. When I am around my family, I am constantly trying to be the best, though I thought my intentions were good – usually in the guise of being helpful. With my kids I struggle constantly with being a good enough mom. And in my marriage, my pride usually comes out as resentment and bitterness if things are not seeming fair. I know that I have so far to go and that God will have to work a miracle. But I also believe that God is powerful. Thanks for this post and reminding me about humility.
Sara, Ah, my dear, an arch nemesis to us all. Thanks for being here. Leah
This is a great one Leah! Humility means giving up control and that for most is very difficult. Thank you for your great insight and good advice for young and old moms!
Thanks, Annie. But it’s not me. God is running me over with humility lessons. Leah
Leah, this was a really great post. Thanks for being so open and honest.
This message was very timely. God has definitely been teaching me about humility lately. The lesson has come in a variety of ways.
One example is when my husband points out things around the house that aren’t done, such as dusting. Although he probably is not blaming me, I feel like a failure.
Another example is that we might soon be moving into a house that is not as nice as our current house. This pertains to my marriage because my husband wanted to move, but I didn’t. But God is so good. Our house was on the market for over 2 years before we got an offer. In that time, He has been working on me, my heart, my attitude, etc. So I am now a lot more accepting of the transition.
Another thing you touched on, which God has been speaking to me about, is expectations. Subconsciously, I expect everything to be perfect and I expect things to go smoothly. So when any trials arise, even tiny ones, I don’t take it well. I need to remember that the path is always going to be bumpy. And this is a good thing because the bumps can be used to mold me into the image of Christ.
Thanks so much! You are such a blessing!
Bridget, I, too, am blessed by this lesson. I’m glad you’re here and we can all take encouragement from each other. Leah