One of the first deeply important truths we learn as children comes in the form of a simple song: Jesus loves me, this I know.
Jesus loves me.
Jesus. Loves. ME.
Hot mess. Broken. Quirky. Weird. Messy. Over eager. Loud. Enthusiastic. Messed up.
First thing in the morning, when my feet hit the floor after another night of surprisingly little sleep, I head to the kitchen for kisses and hugs from the people I love more than anything in the whole world, including sleep.
I try to intently listen to every question, every funny story, every dream retold as I fill the hot water kettle and get my trusty French press ready.
Trust me when I say there is nothing about me in this moment of the day that screams, or heck, even whispers “together”. My faded, overstretched, and holey yoga pants, my bed head top knot, my eyes still refusing to be fully open. I know I’m already missing things and it reminds me that the outside matches the inside – I am neither “together” nor “with it”.
Everything about me is like a cartoon marquee flashing “HOT MESS” with an arrow above my head, as if it were some great mystery to those around me.
And regardless of how my outward appearance changes as the day goes on, how much does or doesn’t get accomplished throughout the day, that Hot Mess marquee likes to follow me, the flag that I wave no matter where I go, reminding me of where I am lacking no matter how it’s packaged or what happens to come out of the whirlwind.
Hot Mess is a label I used to try to hide by trying to out run by achieving and trying and pleasing, as if the gold star stickers from accomplishments would somehow cover the areas where I always felt like I was struggling or being left behind.
Always feeling like I wasn’t quite a fit in the things that I tried and the things where I did fit were always considered weird or different and never in the good way.
Then, Hot Mess became the label that I wallowed in. My weirdness, less-than-ness, and the literal toddler tornado acting as my entourage made me feel more like a burden than a blessing. And then I was burdened with my own burden. And I wallowed in my Hot Mess-ness.
I saw there was no way I could out run my state of Hot Mess-ness and I settled in for the long haul. What I had to give seemed undesirable and definitely not enough, no matter how much I tried, not that I had energy to get the gold star stickers like I once had.
Along the way, my perspective has changed. Through so much grace I’ve remembered what I knew all along – Jesus loves me, this I know.
Jesus loves ME.
Me, the Hot Mess.
It’s a label I can now wear proudly.
I am Hot Mess.
The Hot Mess marquee and the flag don’t get to swallow me whole and press me down on what I’m lacking. What I’m lacking reminds me of my need for Jesus. And Jesus loves me.
I’m a Hot Mess. I do not have it all figured out. By God’s grace some days are 2 or 3 steps forward and 1 step back. And some days by God’s mercy it’s 2 step forward and 3 steps back. God is taking my mess and making it, using it, changing it into something beautiful. Not necessarily less messy, just beautifully messy.
Hot Mess has become my mantra because it’s true. Everywhere I go, I go with a toddler tornado entourage and that is my reality while I have all littles at home. We can be both a mess and a blessing. I might wear the same questionably clean clothes for days but they can’t shade the light inside of me. I might have unique skills and interests and be over eager but it’s what makes up my Leah-ness.
A Hot Mess.
Jesus loves me, this I know.
Jesus. Loves. ME.
Hot mess. Broken. Quirky. Weird. Messy. Over eager. Loud. Overbearing. Messed up.
Maybe you’re a Hot Mess, too. Because I don’t have to know you well to know you don’t have it all together. That you need grace too.
And Hot Mess, Jesus loves you too. He wants to take your mess and make it into something beautiful. He’s the only one that can.
Jesus loves this Hot Mess,
P.S. Sometimes what I’m wearing on the outside just needs to match what how I feel on the inside, ya know what I mean? I need people to know, just by looking at me that I do NOT have it all together. Not even close. But I know Jesus loves me and I’ll rest on that. Maybe you feel the same way? If so, you might be interested in these great shirts and mugs in the brand new Life Around the Coffee Cup Supply Shoppe. To celebrate its launch, we’re giving 15% off every order! Come check it out and fly your Hot Mess flag proudly!