Love = Respect Part 1

1 Corinthians 13:4-8a 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails.

How many of us are so familiar with this verse? Had it read at our weddings? Get the warm fuzzies when we hear it as we think of the implications of this as we receive love from our Heavenly Father? Show love to our children? Receive love from our husbands?

And – how we show love to our husbands?

I know, I know. You’re thinking “Leah, this blog is supposed to be about how we respect our husbands.”

Hear (err, read) me out here.

Women tend to be the natural lovers. This is probably why we aren’t commanded to love our husbands. We are however commanded to respect our husbands (Eph. 5:33). We are also uniquely feminine and so we use our natural gifts and attributes to communicate respect to our husbands.

In essence – how do we take the words of the verse above from 1 Corinthians and apply them to our husbands while showing the respect they need and while remaining feminine in our interaction?

As I’ve mulled this over for the last few weeks, I thought I’d start at the beginning and work my way through. But God had different plans and it took me a few weeks (and disagreements) to understand it but I want to start with the 9th description of love in this passage.

1 Corinthians 13:5b [Love] keeps no record of wrongs. 

We’ve had a long year around here. There has been no end to the lessons in humility that we have learned. I don’t mind that we’ve had a long year, we’re just feeling it. So lately my husband and I have talked about communicating our needs with one another directly – especially me.

So one night last week, after having a trying day, my husband was seeking ways to help me. I didn’t know what I needed so I told him I would let him know. And I did, the next day.

And right or wrong, I approached it very directly. He had had a long day and wasn’t quite in the same place he had been the day before. When I communicated my needs to him, he didn’t respond the way I had hoped from our conversation the day before. Instead he told me his needs and had a counter to each of my statements.

It was difficult. And I was mad, hurt, and frustrated.

But in my head and heart, all I kept hearing over and over again was “love keeps no record of wrongs”.

We were starting quickly into the cycle of not loving and not respecting and trying out do each other.

I went to bed because he wanted to be in his “nothing box” and asked for some time.

I was gearing up as I laid there – thinking of all the ways that what I needed was better or more important because my life is harder and more …everything than his.

And then this verse came to mind.

1 Corinthians 13:5b [Love] keeps no record of wrongs. 

But, he told me to tell him what I need so he can do it for me.

1 Corinthians 13:5b [Love] keeps no record of wrongs. 

But I’ve had a bad week.

1 Corinthians 13:5b [Love] keeps no record of wrongs. 

But he didn’t do what he said he would do.

1 Corinthians 13:5b [Love] keeps no record of wrongs. 

But…but I’m hurting and he’s not listening.

1 Corinthians 13:5b [Love] keeps no record of wrongs. 

So he’s probably hurting too, huh?

1 Corinthians 13:5b [Love] keeps no record of wrongs. 

So this whole having a new baby in the house is taking a toll on him too?

1 Corinthians 13:5b [Love] keeps no record of wrongs. 

Why does he say one thing one day and one thing another day?

1 Corinthians 13:5b [Love] keeps no record of wrongs. 

So what should I do?

1 Corinthians 13:5b [Love] keeps no record of wrongs. 

When he came to bed, he too was ready to start with everything that was bugging him, everything he needed me to hear.

And I apologized for not taking his feelings into consideration after he putting in a long day. I thanked him for working hard and providing me with the opportunity to stay home.

And that was it. I chose not to throw my feelings out in raw emotion, but rather waited till we weren’t tired and charged to discuss it with him.

Some may see a doormat here. Some may not.

What I see is the God of the universe teaching all of us something about love – that it’s not about the score. It’s not about who did what on any given day, who said what, who bought or surprised or planned what.

It’s about realizing that our first priority in marriage is to God and listening for His still voice.

I did plenty wrong in this situation. I said things out of anger and disrespect that I justified away as quickly as I said them.

But God showed me grace and calls us to extend that grace to others – especially our spouses.

I dare you today to meditate on the passage at the top. Put your spouses name in there. “When it comes to _____, I am patient.” and start to think about how that comes out in the language of respect. We’re going to come back to this a lot!

What has God shared with you about this verse? How has God impacted your own situations with His word?