1 Corinthians 13:4-8a 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails.
I had to put the passage at the top this morning. I can only get one piece into this verse this morning.
Love is patient.
I keep trying to read the whole thing and that’s all the farther I can get.
Love is patient.
Love is patient in lots of ways.
But how does the love that we express to our husbands through respect look patient?
It might look like steps in the respect journey itself. First, giving up control and giving it to God. Then praying for our husbands – not that they change our way, but God’s way. Then being patient as they take their own journey.
For me, the on going thing that I just can’t figure out about my husband is his sleep. He really has his own internal clock. He sleeps when he needs to sleep, he gets up when he’s ready. He’s never really in a hurry unless he has something at work then it’s time to get moving.
I am not this way. My alarm goes off (usually a crying baby) and I’m up. If I have over slept and I discover I have cut myself short on time I’m rush-rush-rush-rush until I’m out the door. I go to bed when I feel like I am able after finishing household tasks and spending time with kids, husband, and others if we have company.
Throughout our marriage, this has baffled me. I have traveled the less-than-productive path of disrespectful communication – mostly yelling and fuming and belittling to the point of huge arguments.
Sigh.
After reading The Respect Dare I don’t know that I thought that even respectful communication could apply to this little thing. But this little thing set a big tone for our other communication and interaction. Then I was reminded that anything we care about, God cares about, so He must have a plan for this too.
So on my first attempt to be respectful in this area, I chose a lot of silence. I would simply wake him up when I needed to leave. If I did yell (or if I silently fumed) I called and apologized for my behavior after going to work.
After he didn’t feel nagged about it, I was able to express my needs while not being emotional and he was able to here them. It wouldn’t be first thing in the morning when we were both tired. He was getting up and helping. Not at the time I thought he should, but in plenty of time to help. He was helping in his own way.
I stopped trying to change him into being like me. Grudgingly at times and at other times joyfully.
So how has God grown me in this area? I don’t HAVE to jump up in the morning anymore. [Small baby times excluded]. I have learned to really love just cuddling and taking it easy getting up in the morning. We have had some of our best conversations just laying in each other’s arms in the early morning when we’re not rushed. I have learned that when my husband is rested and not nagged we are both more pleasant to be around. And I have realized that my husband probably isn’t going to change in this way. But because of this habit of his, I have been able to change a lot.
This is patience in respect.
This has been a three year journey. I have tried different approaches in talking with him, but not when I’m emotional – at least that’s the goal. This hasn’t been easy. There are still mornings that I just wonder how anyone can just sleep like that.
But my husband is not for me to change.
So respect in patience looks like giving up control, focusing on pleasing God through my words and actions, and finding respectful times and ways to communicate with my husband about issues. It also means learning from our differences, allowing myself to be stretched and grown, and realizing that it’s not up to me to change my husband.
My dare today is simple in thought but could be long term (three years and counting for me!) in execution – think of an area in which you need to have a lot of patience with your husband, big or small. Ask God to show you what you are learning by being patient through this.
Then, please share your story in the comments. Are you starting today? 3 days, months or years ago? What have you learned?
P.S. Please don’t forget to be praying about how you can support this ministry. We love walking with you on your journey and would love to walk with many, many more.
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