Magic Formula

I think it’s very normal and human for us to want to know what will work, what has guaranteed results, that a+b=c, and so on. We WANT there to be a formula that exists, so that we can choose whether or not to use it. It’s like having the directions to put together an entertainment center – we know there is a “right” way, but whether we read the directions BEFORE we construct the shelves or after they fall down, well we want that decision to be up to us.

I have been around The Respect Dare community for a while now.  There are always women asking “So if I just do this then my husband will be better?” or “How long does this take to ‘work’?” and even “I just need to know what works, I don’t have to do all of it, just the parts that will get me to feel love.”.

*Sigh*

The reality is is that there is a formula for marriage. I wish sometimes that it were as simple as a+b=c but it is far from it. And as much as we joke that Respect Dare+Dave Ramsey = Happy Marriage, it doesn’t mean that each and every day and in each and every season that the “formula” feels like it’s working.

There are a couple things I know to be true.

One, God gives us directions in scripture for a successful marriage. I don’t say “happy” because God doesn’t say anything about our marriages making us happy. In Ephesians 5, we get a good look at this successful marriage model [paraphrase mine] Wives, respect your husbands and husbands love your wives. I have full confidence that marriage wasn’t built for my comfort. Instead, I believe that God intended for marriage to be a sharpening and accountability in close community. Nothing about that says “comfort” to me.

Another thing I know to be true is that what that looks like for me and my marriage is not what it looks like for you in your marriage. Yes, the principles of love and respect are the same, but the spectrum of possibilities are different. What I mean by that is that there is no a+b=c in marriage. Like “if I say this then he will do that so I can do this…” etc. And I know this is true because there are different places throughout scripture where God says to confront, and places where He says to stay silent, places where He says to do this, and then someplace else to do that. Or He says it like this There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens, a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace. –Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

I want you to know that what God asks us to do by respecting our husbands does “work”. It works in that it draws us closer to God and His will for our lives and our marriages. It works because it grows our faith in realizing there are things only He can do and places only He can fill. It works because it shows us that we cannot change another person and we learn more about focusing on how God would have our own heart changed.

Maybe it didn’t start at quite the “right” spot for this blog. I’ve spent the better part of 6 months giving you ideas and results and thoughts and maybe what I should have done is started where I started – with The Respect Dare and invited you along with me. So that’s what I’m going to do. Right here over the next several weeks, we’re going to do The Respect Dare. Nina and Debbie are going to do it on their blogs too. Some guests will weigh in from time to time. We’ll go through it and support and think of ideas. Trust me, I do not have this “down”. This is as much a journey for me as it is for you . So I invite you to subscribe and go along with us. I also encourage you to get a copy of the book and weigh in here, or get a small group together or both. It will be fun, a blessing, and a great time of growth.

I want to start at the very beginning – a very good place to start ;).

And if you aren’t sure about some of the “whys” to respect, check out the resources page, or ask in the comments. I’d be happy to share the order I read books in and why I liked it.

What are some of your questions about starting this respect journey? Would you be bold and ask in the comments? We can all share and support together!

Dare you to get a copy of the book and join us! (Or just join us that would be great too!_

O, and one more thing. The lovely Nina is being interviewed this week on Family Life Today about The Respect Dare. Check out what she has to say and learn a little more about her journey!

 

*Edit* and PS PLEASE invite your friends. This might be one of the greatest ways to introduce someone new to The Respect Dare in a way that the can check it out on their own time and see what they think. I dare ya!