You don’t even know how much you encouraged me.
I don’t even think you were trying to encourage me.
What you said was so just truth-speaking that I don’t think you meant it to be life-giving.
But it so was.
As we both held our newborns in the cry room at church and we talked about the “heck of a morning” we had had to that point, you looked at me with your wise, experienced mama eyes and told me that I had an excuse because I only have littles.
‘Only having littles’ is something that I’ve thought about tons over the last couple of months with the arrival of our baby girl.
I’ve done the math on having a baby every two years and how many babies we’ll have before we actually have some big kids.
I’ve contorted my arms to make sure everyone has a hand or arm or wrist or something to hold as we walk across the parking lot.
I’ve gotten all three kids down for a nap just to have one pop up and cry. And then I’ve just gotten that one back down for a nap to start the process over again.
I’ve gone to bed with a dirty kitchen more nights than I care to admit. And I’ve warmed up leftovers without shame.
And while the list could literally go on and on and become a litany of my daily life, I know I’m not the only one.
I certainly wasn’t looking for an excuse that morning. That morning, like so many others, things had happened way outside of my control and we had been late. It wasn’t the first time and I sincerely doubt it will be the last.
But through your simple statement you acknowledged something I knew to be true but desperately needed to hear : that having just littles is hard.
Moms, mommies, mamas, mothers – whether you have one in the oven or many encircling your kitchen table, or whether your children are young or grown, what you say to other moms as they walk through these hard things mixed in with the everydayness can be so life giving.
Acknowledging the truth in someone else’s everydayness is an unexplainable gift. Seriously. Even now as I try to put words around how this mama made me feel, I can’t find a simple explanation.
Instead I keep thinking of the feelings it evoked. I felt:
Less crazy.
Less silly.
Less like I don’t know what I’m doing.
Less unnoticed.
Less small.
So, more.
More seen.
More valued.
More normal.
More like I don’t have this figured out but that doesn’t mean anyone else does either.
Moms, our words have great power. And with great power comes great responsibility. I pray that we would all learn how to use it well and to speak life into one another.
P.S. Comment time! What’s a way you speak life into other moms? Or what’s a time that life was spoken into you? I’d love to hear about it!
Three is a handful. That is a fact. In my previous younger years, I once had two children under five to take care of. They asked me to include another child (a neighbour child) under five. I decided to do it. Alas, this only lasted a week. I couldn’t do it! I told the family I would need to stick with two. This is probably not helpful or encouraging to you at all. Those of us who have done it realize the immense work and responsibility involved. The huge blessing is that they grow up really fast, and you (and them) will have wonderful moments to treasure. I am in my 60’s, and my “child-caring” years have given me some of the best moments of my life. Also, I kept a book of “kid’s quotations”, and I look back on that notebook with much fondness now. I hope this does encourage you. Also, an occasional “playdate” with a friend for the older girl will give you a bit of a break. Don’t forget to get all the help you can from hubby, friends, and even a responsible child caregiver. And, it’s ok to have a unclean kitchen. Give yourself a bit of a break. In less than 10 years the oldest one will be 15. They start to be a huge help at 8, 9, and 10 – depending on the child of course. Alas, there is not an easy way out of the present work involved. Will be praying for encouragement for you. Remember to let the Lord carry the burdens you cannot.
Mariajj
Maria
Thanks for your kind words. I too keep a child quotations book. I sometimes wish I had a real-time voice recorder to get the golden nuggets. I can’t seem to remember them long enough to write them down some days. 🙂
Leah