It was a Wednesday night. The only night Daddy had been coming home in the evenings so they could have family time. Running a business and working full-time were no doubt taking their toll on him, and on Mama too.
But family night was different. Everyone looks forward to family night. Dinner together. Homemade ice cream. Family worship. And after the kiddos are in bed – date night at home.
Everyone was just doing their thing, waiting for the baby to go to bed to get the ice cream portion of the evening. The sound of the fall didn’t register, but the sound of the scream did.
One look in that little girl’s mouth and Mama knew – this was not going to be a normal family night anymore. Mama’s eyes got big as a gasp escaped from her lips. Daddy looked over, an unspoken question on his face. “I think she needs the ER,” Mama said. Very few other words were spoken as Mama and that little girl made it out the door and headed to the hospital. Family night was over, dissolving into a blur of tears, pain, and fear.
…
My blog is just over one year old now, and if you’ve read some of the older stuff, you know that it’s been a YEAR. And then again, it’s been more like THREE YEARS. Seriously. Three years of almost one thing after another, after another, after another.
And here we are – coming off of another THING, this time for our little girl, that had me all worked up. I could literally feel her pain, since a similar thing happened to me. It just tore me up when I couldn’t let her suck her thumb sometimes. I worried about pain in her, which thankfully never came. And I panicked about money, which almost never happens because I know my husband is a hard-working man and that God will provide.
So there I was, worried about money of all things after hearing that my baby girl needed oral surgery and I just took hold of the thought and said “I know this is a lie. I know this is a lie. What are true things?”
- I am weary but I can prevail (Proverbs 30:1)
- I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength (Philippians 4:13).
- No sparrow falls from the sky with the Lord knowing it (Matthew 10:29).
- I belong to Lord. He has redeemed me. I am His. He would trade all of Egypt, Cush, and Seba just to have me back because THAT’s how much I mean to Him (Isaiah 43).
- I do not have to be afraid because God will hold me up (Isaiah 41:10).
- If I remain in God’s word, whatever I ask will be done (John 15:7).
- And I can ask whatever I wish and it will be done for me (Psalm 37:4).
And then in my heart, I heard the prayer I prayed each and every day on my way to school as I was pregnant with that little girl. Each and every day without fail I heard the Casting Crowns song “Praise You in the Storm”. Being a first time mom had me rattled. What if my baby is sick? Or deaf? Or blind? Or…a million other things. And every morning as I drove to work, I would sing that song, tears flowing and I would pray and beg God that He would give me the deep-seeded soul gumption to praise Him in ALL things, and even the worst things, and even the worst things for my children.
I felt my body loosen as I let out a sigh and some tears. I knew God had me, right in the palm of His hand. Right there with that little girl. And I knew I didn’t have to worry. Not because it wasn’t scary. But because I could cling to the truth of those verse above (most of which I am working on learning with my daughter right now and came flooding to me in order…God is super cool.)
They squeezed her in for her surgery right away. It took a couple minutes. Minutes. She didn’t feel a thing. She thought we were crazy for asking her if it hurt. Not once did she answer yes. Not one time.
It’s so easy to see everything as joyless. Joy-stealing. Void of joy. Days are hard. Months and even years are hard. Like steal wool on the soul sometimes. And when the trials of life come – and oh, will they come. we can choose to let the fear and the pain consume us or we can search for the joy as we rest in the truth.
This is joy I found in my daughter’s situation : She got to eat the rare treat of a popsicle. My husband was home. We had money on our FSA account to pay the ER copay. She still got family night ice cream. She got to suck her thumb again. She didn’t have pain after the initial fall. Even though we don’t have dental insurance for her, medical covers it because it was a fall. Our FSA card had money on it to pay the bill. She didn’t feel pain. She got some cool new toys. She got lots of ice cream. My husband could take off work to go with me. My husband held her during the surgery because I don’t do blood well. She has the cutest little gap-toothed smile now. And God met me. Right where I was and His Spirit gave me words to verses to put balm on my very scratched-up soul.
Whatever storm you are going through, you can choose joy. You can praise God right there in the middle of pouring rain. On the drive to the ER or when the balance in the check book is really close to zero. You can choose to raise your hands up and know that God is good all the time.
Thanks for choosing joy with me today. I really love doing life with you.
Jen McKinney says
Love this Leah!! Truly we can praise Him in any storm! But in the moment that is so hard! So excited for all the little and big ways God showed up for you in all this! He never fails!
Leah Heffner says
Jen, I saw your post on facebook and thought “YAY WE GET TO PRAISE IN THE SUNSHINE!” So glad we get to praise together, rain or shine, the God who loves us more than we can fathom.
Leah