For those of you who missed it, I encourage you first to go back and read my blog post from Tuesday, because I want to go back and touch on a few things that are important.
1. No two marriages are the same. What works in one might not work in another. The dialogue that we sometimes provide on these blogs is a frame work you can use to show respect but will probably be tweeked to sound like you and to show respect to the person receiving it.
2. That being said, it is all of our goals to first serve God, then our husbands. In doing so, God will lead us in our interactions with our husbands.
So in Tuesdays interaction, there was a HUGE mess. A calm wife cleaned it up. A mess. A husband got upset. A wife told him how he could present the information better.
Then, an apology.
What I have seen work is to be calm in words and actions. That way you know when to speak, when to listen, and when to wait. Sometimes, I find it valuable to wait. Let my emotions calm down. See if it’s really as big as I think it is. See what my husband will do at God’s directing without my meddling.
Sometimes, though, like in this story (and might I add, after much practice, talking through what says “respect” to your husband, and much prayer) when speaking up right away is beneficial.
Now, I’m not saying she did every thing PERFECT. None of us ever do. But I do believe she communicated respectfully in tone and timing. I’m not so sure she communicated respectfully in direction.
And by she, I mean ME.
Yup, this was me. And I wanted to share it because since it happened, it’s been bugging me. I got an apology so I must have done it right, right?
Well, no, not necessarily.
I said what he needed to hear, and in this case, be reminded of – that everyone makes messes and we just clean them up and move on.
I don’t want this to become a pattern all the time. In this case, I feel like I was being prompted to say this.
But it’s important to remember that some situations call for silence. Some for words. All for prayer. Some for notes. Some for emails. And some for waiting.
It is my sincere prayer that as we travel on this journey of respect, we would learn and be able to discern when to use which.
It won’t look the same for you as for me as for anyone else.
But if you are working to serve God in your marriage first, then the results in your heart will be beautiful.
Proverbs 3:6 In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths.
I was surprised when I learned that silence and timing is most effective for my husband to feel respected. What ways have you seen to be most effective in your marriage? Do you have a story share? Dare ya…. !
This year started out rocky for our family. We unexpectedly lost three grandparents within two weeks. We were able to go and get special trinkets from their house and bring them to our home. I got a special salt and pepper shaker from my grandmother I remembered from my childhood. One night my husband was making dinner with our kids and my husband broke one of them. What good is a salt shaker without a pepper one? He thought about hiding it because it was so special to me. And he hunkered down to see my response. He was shocked by the deep breath and the it’s okay. It scared him how easily I took it. He just knew it will come up one day in one of those fights where the dam breaks loose and everything comes out. But what kind of wife am I if he gets in trouble if he makes a mistake? I’m a mom, and not a respectful wife. As I strive to be the wife God intended me to be, there are hard test along the way. But the Lord helps me to pass them. I pray that I can consistently make respectful choices and how it goes against every fiber of human nature. But every single day is the chance of being one day closer to our goal.
Thanks LouAnn. I think this is a great story. Thanks for being here and for sharing. Hugs to you.