Let me ask you a question: when you do something big, something hard, something that changes your habits – is it easier/more enjoyable/more fun to do it alone or with someone else, holding you accountable?
A diet? A new way of eating? Running every morning? Learning to cook? Doing a Bible study? Learning about Respect?
The first time I did The Respect Dare, I lived in a small town that we had moved to about a year before hand. We were in the middle of finding a new church. I worked full time. Very few of our friends were married, and the ones that were were not interested in hearing about something like this because, well, like so many people, marriage “help” wasn’t in their vision since there was nothing “wrong”. Even I didn’t know what I was getting myself into.
So I did the dares at work. Mostly, I did them during Parent/Teacher Conferences when I had no parents come in. And I did them the night before we left for our anniversary trip – when I would reveal to my husband that I had done The Respect Dare. So mostly, I did them in chunks – because I could.
Two years later, I went to my very first MOPS meeting. I was nervous and I really didn’t WANT to go. I have no idea why but I was not in the mood. But I wasn’t. I was looking for ANY excuse to not go, and couldn’t find a single one. So I went.
It was Valentine’s Day, and while there wasn’t anything romantic planned at our house, I had tons to do. I’ve also gotten much more reserved as I’ve gotten older, and making new friends just doesn’t come as easily for me.
Luckily enough, we broke into some small groups for discussion – mainly, to talk about love languages. In one of the groups, the leader brought up The Love Dare and talked about how she had done it for her husband. I remember that I wasn’t really paying attention well, but that all of the sudden, I perked up and asked “How did he respond?” And she looked surprised. Very surprised. And said that he had responded “well”.
Boldness crept into my throat as I stated “I have found that it doesn’t matter if I am speaking the right LOVE language, as long as whatever language I’m speaking is done with respect.”
Chins on floor.
Then one girl in my small group, said “Wow! Where did you learn that? Is there a book.”
And she ordered it on her phone while we sat there. Seriously.
And then asked if we could do a small group.
Really? With me? You don’t want to do it with me. I’m 26. I’ve only been married 3 years. I am certainly no expert, I’ve only done the book once myself. How could I be of any help to you?
But in my heart of hearts, a box burst open. The box that had been jumping around and hopping and hoping that I could be in a group of wives and share about marriage with real accountability and love and biblical truth. Every time I had even gotten close to this, people would make a comment to the effect that I was “too young” “not married long enough” or “what could you know about marriage at this point”. And I started to believe those lies.
Until that day.
I said yes to the small group immediately. We would invite EVERYONE. It would be so great.
We invited many, but many were not interested. Leaders were not interested.
So my very first small group ended up being three – three women on crazy journeys of their own, crossing paths at MOPS to come together to learn more about respect.
I think I learned more about what it means to be a Titus 2** woman during this time than at any other time of my life. Here I was, literally sitting around and waiting to “grow up” enough that people would take me seriously. Instead, I learned that, if we are willing, we can all be Titus 2 women. We all have unique gifts and insights that we can share with other wives. Age is not the issue in Titus 2 – it is maturity and learning in the Lord.
I write this to encourage the wives, novice and experienced, who are here to share that what we are doing on this journey to respect is not about age, or troubles, or perfection, or motives, or…. It is about knowing what God has for us as wives, and being willing to share that as His Spirit leads.
I thank you all for coming along with me.
Dare you to think of a gift that you have from God and how you can use it to be a Titus 2** woman.
Dare you to share it in the comments.
P.S. Are you looking for a group? therespectdare.com has a group (I believe) in the fall, and both unbrokenwoman.com and peacefulwife.com are running groups in July. 🙂
Titus 2 (emphasis mine)
2 You, however, must teach what is appropriate to sound doctrine. 2 Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance.
3 Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. 4 Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.
6 Similarly, encourage the young men to be self-controlled. 7 In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness 8 and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us.
9 Teach slaves to be subject to their masters in everything, to try to please them, not to talk back to them, 10 and not to steal from them, but to show that they can be fully trusted, so that in every way they will make the teaching about God our Savior attractive.
11 For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. 12 It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, 13 while we wait for the blessed hope—the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, 14 who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good.
15 These, then, are the things you should teach. Encourage and rebuke with all authority. Do not let anyone despise you.
And what a crazy journey it has been! I have definitely learned that God’s timing is everything. He brought three women together for a short time that had such a large impact! My eyes have been opened to a new world of respect in marriage and my life has been changed forever. Thank you Leah for coming to MOPS that day! I pray that I can help other wives and moms just like God used you. Love you!
For me, respecting my husband unconditionally is faith in action. In response to my upbringing, I became controlling and overly self-sufficient, so I view marriage as part of God’s plan to get me to surrender pride, fear, and the fig leaves of self-righteousness I so compulsively cling to. Unconditional respect for my husband says that I am choosing to trust my Heavenly Father to work out His plan and purpose even when things don’t make sense to me in the natural. I choose to obey in faith instead of giving in to thoughts of fear and failure. I feel like a baby on this journey (married for just 2 years and actively choosing to respect only recently), but I believe I can work out my respect muscles and become a stable and giving woman and help other women to do the same. Maybe one day I’ll start a blog or do something more formal, but for now I am focused on simply being a doer of the word–I’ve gotta get some momentum going in the right direction!! 🙂 Thank you got your blog– I definitely enjoy it!