A year or so ago there were all these blog posts on what moms should or shouldn’t do while they’re at the park with their kids.
They should take pictures to remember these days but they shouldn’t be on their phones, especially if they might be tempted to get on email or text, or ya know, do some light reading that they’ve been meaning to get to.
They should play with their kids so that they know how much they are loved and supported by these adults, but not too much or they won’t develop independent playing skills or the ability to do anything really with always being coddled.
Sounds about right, when we think about all of the mommy advice from one end of the continuum to the other, right?
This week, I took my kids to the park. Every Wednesday, after story time at the library, we go to a play ground. This is part something fun to do after sitting still, part social time, part daddy is working at home and it’s easier to be quiet if we aren’t there.
Usually a decent amount of other kids hit up the park with us. We’re all out and about, so it makes sense. The kids have just figured out how to get along. Mama time to talk. All good things.
Yesterday though, no one went with us to the park. And there were no other kids there when we got there. Pretty normal for a middle of the week school day, I imagine.
My kids climbed and played and laughed, but it was different. Because there were no other people there to capture their attention, they wanted my attention.
I can’t remember the last time we were at the playground and every slide, every climb, every look at the sand box or the lake was a question of “Mom can we do this?” or “Mom can you watch me?” or “Mom do you want to play in the sand box with us?”
And I’ll be really honest – when we are in the heart and soul of the early toddler I-can-walk-so-I-can-do-what-all-the-other-kids-are-doing phase, going to the park is, both physically and mentally exhausting. Hyper vigilance is kicked in to follow the little one who forgets he is little as he climbs something that’s juuuuuust out of mama’s reach, and I’m jumping Tarzan-style from things I can’t fit up or down on to be at the top and the bottom of the slide or the rock wall or the whatever.
And on those days, while I love them, I think of these days – where going to park pretty much means I’m going to sit in the shade at a close distance and supervise and watch my amazing kiddos do amazing things and just leave me in awe. That I might do a few minutes of swing pushing, if the kids will even sit still that long, and mostly my role is bathroom escort, rock-eating monitor, and are-the-big-kids-being-nice-to-you referee. (And on these days, I’m thinking of our new peanut, next summer and being right alongside him/her as s/he discovers slides and drop offs and tries to give me a heart attack.)
Not better, not worse days, just different kinds of days.
This week, I got the chance to choose. I got to choose to encourage their independent play or I got to be the “yes I will play in the sandbox” mom.
As I’ve looked out over many a playground over my 4 years as a mom, as I’ve studied slide heights, toddler abilities to climb certain things, whether or not kidlets need to be wearing shoes, the sun to shade ratio, and more, I’ve often thought about how hands on I need to be in the beginning for the child’s safety and how hands off I need to be as they get older to encourage their exploration.
I’ve thought about the parents who are entertaining little sibs on the playground while older sibs have soccer or baseball nearby.
I’ve thought about the parents who are at the playground in their work clothes, running, sliding, pushing.
I’ve thought about the mom on her phone and the mom who goes down the slide every single time.
I’ve thought about a lot of things in the hours I’ve racked up on my frequent flier card at various playgrounds in several states.
I’ve thought about why I go to the playground with my kids. Why I choose the playgrounds I do. What the kids will get out of it. And what I will get out of it.
And yesterday as I looked out over the barren playground, as my two little ducks stayed close to their mama, I thought all these things again.
I thought how differently the playground looks when it’s full and when it’s empty. How there is a different joy and a different stress to each of those scenarios.
I guess that’s how we all see the playground really: It’s a land of opportunity and excitement and exploration. Some kids are going to swing, slide, climb. Some are going to hang close to their mamas. Some of the mamas are going to talk, some are going to read, and some are going to play right along side.
So mama, what is the ONE thing you should do when you take your kids to the park?
I’m going to guess, that like me, there is no one formula for how to “playground”. It depends on the day, on the size of the kids, on the number of kids, on what kind of day we’ve had otherwise.
As long as your kids are safe and treating the other kids kindly, there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to the playground.
This week, I chose to be the kind-of-play-in-the-sandbox mom while also the encouraging-them-to-play-independently mom. They buried my feet and dug for shells. It was awesome.
The next time we go to the play ground, I might have a few minutes to read a blog post I saved to my pocket, I might take some pics, or I might have a chat with another mom. I will be in my work clothes – which are all of clothes since I work at home and right now are the clothes I own that fit over this belly – and I will be the mama whose kids are playing Octonauts and yelling about sea snakes and trying to hold any babies that might have come to the park that day.
I’ll see you there.
Leah:
I have fond memories of going to the park, and going down slides, etc. I think the interaction is good. Also, by the time they are 10 to 12 they don’t want to go to the park anymore. So, those years are really short. I am glad that I enjoyed them (and the sunshine) while I did. Maria
Mariajj, I’m glad you enjoyed the park! I LOVE the park.I love how differently they interact with me when there are or are not other people there. I love watching them come into their own. Parks are cool places. -Leah