Let’s face it – if you live in a house with little kids, you’re tired.
Whether you could fall asleep standing up, long for a nap and never get one, or have been on your feet all day (uhm yes to all three please) you are one tired mama.
My guess is that more often than not, you run out of day before you run out of stuff.
I seriously get a huge kick out of any blog that mentions getting up before your kids. With a breastfeeding baby, it just isn’t going to happen. I’m going to suck every last ounce of sleep out my day that I can.
But I digress.
I admit I am like this woman in Dare 12’s story.
I am tired. Worn. Exhausted. Every muscle in my body aches for my bed. I’m spent. Done. Ready for a recharge.
And, so is my husband.
So the reality is, that things don’t get done. Chores go unfinished. To do lists unchecked. Laundry not folded.
Some nights we hang in there together till the bitter end. We stand side-by-side knocking out housework.
And some nights it’s just me.
Some nights, just him.
The wife in this story does two things well that I think are so important for us mamas with little people.
1. She asks for help when she needs it. She doesn’t over communicate. She asks her husband to complete specific tasks.
This is so important because when we are tired, we expect our husbands to just KNOW. “We’ve been married for such and such many years and have had children for such and such long, you’d think he’d know.” He probably does somewhere know these things are true. But guys don’t just jump in and help other guys usually without permission. He’s not going to physically enter your space without an invitation. Ask. It’s really that simple.
If you haven’t tried this before, here are some suggestions:
“Hey sweet heart. Could you load and unload the dishwasher please?”
“Do you think you would have a chance tonight to unclog the shower drain?”
“I could really use your help folding this mountain of laundry. Will you come help me?”
2. She acknowledges that they are both tired.
I get so frustrated when I’m tired. Every. Little. Thing. Gets under my skin and rubs and rubs and rubs.
And I’ll be at my wits end with the moods – from everyone : kids, husband – and it will suddenly occur to me like, duh, THEY ARE TIRED TOO. Take a deep breath. And try again. It may be a long day. But that’s ok. Each one of them is worth it. Each one of them is worth the time to just take a breath and try a couple different ways because we’re all tired. And the little ones I can send off to nap.
But us big ones don’t get so many chances at napping so we have to be even more gracious. Extending grace. Receiving grace. Hearing what the person is really saying. Not reading into it. And truly believing that they love us and have our best interests at heart when they communicate with us, even when it’s not perfect.
So I guess I have two dares for you. 1 is to ask for help with something. Start small if you usually just do everything yourself. It may be a shock to both of you. And 2 is to remember you’re both tired and cut yourselves some slack.
Be sure to check out The Respect Dare blogging team – Nina, author of The Respect Dare: 40 Days to a Deeper Connection with God and Your Husband and Debbie, especially for parents of teens, tweens, and twenty-somethings, and you can subscribe to me in the sidebar. And connect with me on twitter @LeahHeffner and on faceboook on The Respect Dare community page.
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