Dare Twenty One The Respect Dare R-E-S-P-E-C-T

When your husband does something to serve you or your family, you have three choices:

1. Tease or criticize him for the shortcomings in this activity or a related activities. Whether the flaw is major or minor, be sure to point it out to him, especially if other people are around. People will think it’s really funny – have you seen all those dads getting made fun of on TV? – and you will have the upper hand. He will know how you really feel about how he does things and serves you and next time, he’d get it right. And nevermind that the criticism may make him want to stop – he’ll hear about that too. Eventually he will figure out that your way is the best way.

2. Say nothing. Your inner conflict over “your way” vs. “his way” isn’t sure how to come out. So you say nothing. He doesn’t know what he did right and he doesn’t know what he did wrong. There is no fight and no building up. He isn’t sure whether to try serving you in this way again. He may or he may not.

3. Affirm him and build him up. Find something great about what he just did and tell him. Tell your friends. Tell his friends. Tell your kids. Thank him. Wait a day or two, find something else good, and thank him for that too. You will get to see his shoulders lift with each true compliment. And he will work harder at serving you and your family in a way that speaks love to you.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

First, I think it’s important to know that Acts of Service for a guy is a real and tangible and practical way to give and receive love. It’s the love language that a lot of guys have. This may not be a love language you totally get, but I believe this love language grows in us as we have kids and realize we need some lovin’ through service, especially around the house.

That being said, I hope you realize Option 1 was totally tongue in cheek. It’s all true things, but it’s not a productive way to choose to talk to your husband when he has tried to do something. Whether or not he gets it right is totally irrelevant. The truth is YOU want credit for trying in regards to him, so extend him the same gesture.

Number 3 is obviously the best option. You can build him up in truth and in love to know that you see and feel his love gesture. That you are receiving his love. That you are appreciative of his service. That you want to return his gesture with kind words of your own.

Of course, you may not be at a point where number three is an option. You may worry that some anger will come out and ruin the moment. You may not know what to say. You may be hurting from reaching out and trying a respect action and not getting any response for your action. In this case number 2 at least is better than number 1. Painful words that you can’t take back never pass your lips and you aren’t starting something. You have the opportunity to take your thoughts captive and grow in your response for next time.

If I may (and since you’re still reading, I may…) even if you can’t get all the way to #3, I’d go #2.5 – thank him for something. It doesn’t have to be mushy-gushy, super emphatic, or long winded, or even poetic. Try “thank you for making dinner. It was tasty.” And the balm you have just spread on your husband will be more powerful than you can imagine.

Proverbs 12:18 The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

 

 

What are your thoughts on this? Will you share in the comments?