We All Make Mistakes

We all make mistakes. Even our husbands. Sometimes they are little mistakes like leaving the milk out all night. And sometimes they are big mistakes. 

Like, his workplace is under construction and different routes are open and closed at different times. So one night, in the dark, he drives out the way that had been open when he came to work only to find it blocked by construction equipment. He backs up and hits a yellow pole, crushing the rear bumper. He comes home and doesn’t tell you the story, waiting for you to discover the car for yourself.

Or, his wedding ring has gotten to be extremely loose. It falls off when his hands are even slightly cold and he loses it from time to time. One week, when he loses it, he doesn’t tell you. Instead, he puts on his to-do list to find it. Where does he find it? In the fire pit from the night he decided to have a fire. And it fell of when he was putting wood in. So it’s no longer pretty and shiny. It’s dull and dark and rough.

How you react in these situations can make all the difference in your marriage.

Take a look at these suggestions for what to do when something big happens.

Don’t react in anger. You can’t change the events, so don’t get angry about them. If you aren’t ready to forgive him, don’t hold a grudge until you are. Instead ask questions. (Try not to use “why” as it seems like an attack to men.) Try: Honey, I’m not understanding what happened in the parking lot. How did you hit the pole? Are you ok? Do you think we should call a mechanic? What day do you think you lost your ring? When we find it, would you like to get it sized? Where is the last place your remember having it?

Don’t belabor the issue. We all make mistakes. What’s done is done. It will be a funny story to tell the kids and grandkids (as long as you can do it respectfully and truthfully) or maybe a funny story for your blog. Ask the questions you need to ask, maybe over a couple of days. Tell a girlfriend the story – without criticism. Just repeat the facts. Watch your tone while doing this. Try: We’ve had a rough week. Hubs lost his ring in the fire pit and he didn’t realize it. Now it’s all yucky looking and we don’t know how to make it look nice again. [Bonus – you have communicated respectfully about your husband to others, which both lifts up your husband and sets a good example to other wives. Double Bonus – girlfriends love to help, so you never know what kind of great idea she’ll have to make the ring shiny again! (Mine said “Whoops”… not a lot of advice but made me laugh.) ]

Don’t try to make him feel bad about it. I’m sure he feels plenty bad about it. If he’s anything like my husband, before coming to you, he has already weighed the financial implications, as well as your reaction to his error. He feels bad enough. This is a great time to employ the old “if you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all”. If you don’t have anything nice to say on the subject, don’t freeze him out either. That will make him feel bad. Change the subject. Make dessert. Clean up the kids’ toys. Try: Honey, don’t feel badly about the car. It’s 13 years old anyways. I’m glad the pole stopped you from driving backwards down a ravine. Or: Can I get you a glass of ice water? I’m going to go clean up from dinner.

Do be willing to forgive and tell him when you do. Try to do this as soon as possible. If you are really hurt, be sure to go to the Father and ask him to direct your words. Try: I’m pretty disappointed that your wedding ring is in that condition. I know you didn’t do it on purpose, and I forgive you. What would you like to do to try to fix it?

Do ask him if he feels respected by your reaction. Use this as an opportunity to grow and move forward. Feel out the situation. You may not want to ask this right away. Or you may want to ask almost immediately (based on his reaction and anger level). Try: This wasn’t easy for me, but I want you to feel respected. Did you feel respected in the response I gave?

Are there more do’s and don’ts from your own interactions? Dare you to share them in the comments!

A great verse to keep in mind is from James 1.

19 My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20 for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.

We all make mistakes. How we deal with and respond to those mistakes speaks volumes about our relationship with Christ and with our husbands.

What are some respectful interactions you’ve had when your husband has made a mistake? Would you share with us?