My husband really likes to listen to this Graham Cooke sermon on the character of God and we listened to it about a month ago on date night and I was so struck by the word gentle.
Gentle is a word I use to tell my toddler (and now 9 month old) as to how to interact with other kids when they are getting too rough. Gentle is a word I use to describe soap. Maybe a breeze.
But I don’t throw it around a whole lot. I’m not sure why. Probably because it doesn’t often come up with talking to adults. I sometimes say things like “That was a little harsh” but I never say things like “O that was just the right amount of gentle”.
I literally picked up The Respect Dare this week, turned to Dare 6 and said “O, haha very funny God I’m not blogging about that right now. Don’t you SEE what I’m doing here?”
God has been working for a long time to get me to take notice of things that would prepare my heart for this. I love how He is looking out over all of the pieces and players and sometimes we get so wrapped up in our tiny little piece we’re gripping onto and forget that He’s got this. He is equipping us now through every moment to be prepared for our future. And so I’m not really sure when He started getting my attention but I’ll tell you what it looked like.
First, it was my attitude. Realizing that my attitude towards someone or some situation is my choice. This does not make me a doormat. It makes me humble myself to realizing that every action and interaction is an act of worship. I can acknowledge that someone else handled a situation poorly.
Also it was my reaction. Sometimes God calls us to confront someone or something and sometimes He does not. I can’t tell you what that will look like for you. Sometimes even I don’t know what that will look like for me. But I try to enter each situation with respect for the person I’m dealing with, love for them, and also in a way they can hear.
And then little by little by little through what I’ve read and experienced and talked through with wise and godly counsel, I have learned more and more about what this looks like.
I’ll be honest that this has been a process. Some days I feel like steel wool is being used to wash one part of me and then that just starts to heal up and steel wool gets applied to another spot. It’s rough. And it can be exhausting. And I don’t understand why the season is as long as it is. But that’s ok. Because God is holding me in the palm of His hands and He just asks me to hold my hands open and receive the blessing as I follow after Him (for more on this I highly recommend One Thousand Gifts).
Why did I tell you all of this?
Because it’s not just about one day or one piece or one part. It’s about the journey. Sometimes we are very aware of the journey we are on and sometimes we aren’t sure where we’ll end up. Each moment is an opportunity and how they fit together is how we learn.
At least that has been my experience so far.
So Dare 6 and I laughed. (I really am a Daughter of Sarah.) Because I was not acting like my actions and interactions were acts of worship. I was taking all of my actions and making it about me and not about God.
I sat and waited for the appreciation to wash over me.
I waited for my husband to notice how much less sleep I had gotten than him and make it up to me minute for minute.
I was waiting for a day to be easy. To not have sick kids and so much laundry and so many dishes and not four to do lists going along with a crushing weight from all of that.
And God kept speaking to my heart in my anger “Love keeps no record of wrongs” and in my despair “I see El roi – GOD sees!“.
The truth was there and calling to me but I couldn’t see it.
And remember the part about being gentle?
Have you ever seen the musical Carousel? Louisa after meeting her father asks her mother is someone can hit you, hit you really hard, and it not hurt at all. And her mother smiled knowingly and says that yes they can.
And THAT is how God hit me. Gently but with a crack that got my attention. And then through conversations and reading His word and talking with Him, He affirmed in so many ways that my real problem was that I wanted to be at the center of it all instead of putting HIM in the center of it all.
It really is about my attitude and my reaction.
So Dare 6, Random Acts is about how I can serve my husband and my family. And more importantly, about what my attitude looks like when I do that.
Can I serve without expecting a thank you?
Can I serve without expecting someone to notice?
Can I serve without becoming subservient?
Can I serve without being a doormat?
Can I choose my attitude to be a joyfilled one?
Can I realize that even if no one else sees or cares or notices or thinks I’m important that GOD SEES. GOD LOVES. GOD THINKS I’M IMPORTANT. ME.
I’m still swishing this around. I have known it is true in my head for a long time but our brains and our hearts are attached in a weird way that sometimes that knowledge doesn’t filter down the way it should and as the rawness of the steel wool and crack of the slap fade, I know that El Roi – God Sees. God Sees ME! And in THAT I can worship. In THAT I can serve.
To God be the glory!
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