Cassie and Andy have been married for a year and a half. They met when she moved to Kentucky to begin teaching at a mission school out in the hollars. He had taught there for several years before her arrival. When she arrived, she often said that God had led her to this place and that God would lead her out and she would stay until that time. Andy, having already been there for a while, was starting to think about not teaching there anymore and going after something else.
They just moved into their first house and are making it their own. This includes Andy becoming a handyman with repair projects around the house. He has grown in confidence with his handyman skills with the more success he has doing it.
Recently, they have begun discussing their future more in depth – where they will go next and what God has them doing. And this is what she had to say about the discussions “And I have been really focused on giving him the permission to go and do whatever he wants to do”
Cassie is a strong and independent woman. She is never lacking in self-confidence. She is sure of who she is. She has a strong and beautiful faith.
I guarantee you that she is not a doormat.
She has learned to not only let her husband lead, but to encourage him in his leadership.
She has put her trust in the Lord, to lead her husband, so that her husband will know how to lead her.
Is this scary? Oh yeah! Let’s face it, as great as our husbands are, we almost never think exactly the same about spending money, where we should live or work, when we’d like to have kids, how or what we should eat or exercise, or any number of other things.
But as wives, it is so important for us to seek the Lord about any fears. To respectfully talk to our husbands about differences. To pray that God’s will would be done and that His leadership would prevail.
Psalm 119:114-115
You are my refuge and my shield; I have put my hope in your word. Away from me, you evildoers, that I may keep the commands of my God!
As we put our hope in the Word of the Lord, we will continue to grow in how He has called us to respect our husbands. Those little fears or nagging doubts will be conquered by knowledge of what His word says. We will be able to lift up our husbands and trust that God is working on their hearts, just as He is working on ours. It will not be easy, but it will be an amazing gift, not only in our own marriages, but in how we influence those around us.
Dare you to think of an area where you are hesitant to follow your husband’s leadership and pray that God would work on your heart. This is not about changing our husbands’ hearts – it’s about changing ours.
What is a way in which you have submitted to your husband’s leadership in a big way – even if you only think it’s big for you? Would you share below?
Ok, nice ,but, I don’t see how or where specifically she has had ,maybe,struggles with trusting him with certain decisions or how they dealt with an impasse,concerning a certain decision. That would be a more helpful article. Life throws boulders at us,and sometimes,men are too afraid to make a decision in fear of making a wrong de ion, then all kinds of things happen in the relationship. How can a wife trust him when he won’t make decisions because of that?
Tammi,
Thank for your comment. You’re right – it’s hard to see the struggles in a story like this because it is just one event. Life does throw boulders at everyone – and they make each of our journeys unique.
It can be really scary – to trust our husband to make a decision when it might be different than the decision we would make. But as you seek God, he will help you overcome your fears – and help your husband make the best choice he can.
I’m really glad you are here and sharing.
Leah
Great point, Tammi. I do think it’s hard to see the big picture of the marriage in the example. But God has made wives to be the helpers of their husbands. That means we can encourage them to make decisions, voice our concerns with one side or the other, listen to them talk through it, and speak the needs of the family as we see them. Even though God has called them to the leadership role, they aren’t meant to be doing it alone. That doesn’t mean we don’t still have to work on trust, but it does mean that it will look different depending on how we’re involved.
Thank you,but, it seems like no one can answer my struggle. If hubby won’t make the decisions because of fear of making the wrong decision. I mean, I pray against fear in him, I’ve encouraged him,but, it seems to push him away instead of him responding favorably and we’ve struggled be caused of his fear to make decisions. It is abandonment in a sense!
I think it is at those moments when we trust and pray the MOST. If I’ve learned anything, it’s that just because they aren’t saying anything doesn’t mean they aren’t thinking anything. Learning to let them lead in what we think are the little things, turns out to be the big stuff. What we usually see as a boulder is just a more obvious way to trust God.
Jenn-
I’m with you. And I agree with your post about submission and headship. I don’t want to be the one accountable for the whole family. I’m glad I can be a helper to my husband though.
Thanks for being here!
Leah
It’s hard for me to let go of control. I was a single mom when we met.. Now I’m the boss at work.. It’s hard to let him “be the boss” at home. But I know how respected he feels when I let go and give him my blessing to make decisions for our family
Tiffanie-
Control is a difficult thing for many of us. I’m so glad you can see that he feels respected. Glad you are here.
Leah